


Grow in Silence

by CityofEmeralds



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Brother-Sister Relationships, Depression, Epilepsy, Gen, Roblivion, Seizures, livron, proper little family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:53:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23316457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CityofEmeralds/pseuds/CityofEmeralds
Summary: Liv sinks into a depression after Robert is sent down for murder and reverts to old habits. What happens when an alcohol addiction and seizure disorder clash and cause havoc in Liv's life.
Relationships: Aaron Dingle & Liv Flaherty, Aaron Dingle & Liv Flaherty & Robert Sugden, Dr. Liam Cavanagh & Liv Flaherty, Liv Flaherty & Robert Sugden
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	Grow in Silence

**Author's Note:**

> Title was inspired by my favourite song on Isobel Steele’s new EP. Highly recommend listening.

Liv missed Robert. 

He had been gone for a month now, shipped off to a prison on the Isle of Wight. 

Her heart ached every time she thought about Robert sitting alone in a cell, completely isolated from his family. The family that he was trying to protect. 

The teen seemed to find reminders of Robert wherever she went, even though Aaron had binned most of his things. No matter how hard Liv tried, she couldn’t escape the sight of a floral shirt or scent of Robert’s hair gel. It was too much to handle. He’s absence was all consuming.

Meanwhile, Aaron had grown distant. He was out at all hours, sneaking around and meeting with suspicious characters that seemed to lurk in the darkest corners of the village. When he came home, he was quiet. He refused to sleep in his own room, opting for the couch instead. He didn’t eat, he didn’t drink. It was as if he was going through the motions of life rather than truly experiencing the world. 

Liv had essentially been living by herself...and she was exhausted. 

She had tried to support her brother. She really had. 

Liv worked hard to take care of the Mill, making sure Aaron didn’t have to worry about completing any household chores. She gave Aaron his space when he needed it and attempted to stay out of trouble. She understood that her brother needed to mourn the loss of his husband.

Did she screw up sometimes? Of course. After all, trouble seemed to follow her around.

. 

Liv stood alone in the Mill, her foot tapping anxiously on the hardwood floor. She gazed towards the mantle that once held a photo of Aaron and Robert dressed in their wedding suits, smiling towards the camera. 

The teen used to feel comforted by the picture. Everyone was so happy; they had finally become a proper, little family. Now, shards of glass filled the void, left behind as a reminder of Aaron’s rage.

The house was quiet. Painfully quiet. 

She took out her phone and looked at the lock screen. 

_No new messages._

Liv frowned. She had texted Aaron earlier that day and still hadn’t heard back from him. 

_It was alright. He was probably busy._

Sitting down on the couch, she unlocked her phone and opened YouTube. Quickly scanning her home page, she found a new video by one of her favourite creators and clicked on it, allowing their voice to flow through the Mill. Liv desperately needed the distraction, however, after only a few minutes, she started to grow restless. Frustrated, she closed the app and threw her phone across the couch, wedging it into the cushions. 

Liv couldn’t handle the silence any more. Walking towards the kitchen, she paced around the table before stopping in front of a cabinet. 

She opened the door. 

In front of her was a bottle of whiskey. She stared intently at the liquid, burning a hole through the glass. 

Aaron had drunk a glass of whiskey right after hearing that Robert was charged with murder. As far as she knew, he hadn’t touched a drop since. It was over three quarters filled. 

Liv continued staring at the bottle. 

She knew she should resist the temptation. It wasn’t good for her. She had a hard enough time kicking the habit last year and that was when she had two brothers she could rely on for support.

The whiskey spoke to her, calling her name. She didn’t even like whiskey...but she longed to feel the slow burn of alcohol slide down her throat. It was comforting. The type of pain she could control. 

Slowly, she reached towards the bottle, undoing the cap, she brought it to her lips. 

A single tear ran down her cheek.

She thought of Robert. He would be so disappointed in her.

She took a sip. 

. 

A week had come and gone, while nothing much had changed. Liv continued to survive, barely making it through the day. Her drinking had gotten worse and she was forced to sneak a few bottles of vodka from the Woolpack. 

Just like old times. 

Cans of beer seemed to be plentiful in the Mill. Aaron must have been buying them. She nicked a few but tried to keep her consumption to a minimum. Liv didn’t want Aaron to realize she was drinking again. 

Liv’s school work had been forgotten, grades slipping once again. She stopped hanging out with Gabby and Jacob. She couldn’t even remember the last time she saw Chas or Paddy. 

She was exhausted. Caught in a repetitive cycle of depression and drinking. Nothing seemed to matter any more. It was as if colour had disappeared from her world and Liv was just existing in monochrome. 

. 

Time passed. 

Liv continued drinking, needing more and more to dull the never ending pain in her chest. 

There was no one to stop her. No one noticed. No one cared. 

.

Liv sat in the Cafe, a cold latte on the table in front of her. Her notebook was open, empty pages staring back at her. She just couldn’t bring herself to write anything. Her mind was numb. It felt as though she was floating through space without anything to tether her to the ground. 

She picked up her mug and inhaled the aroma. Liv was hoping to find comfort but instead felt nauseous as her stomach churned in protest. She quickly relented and placed her mug back onto the table. 

Liv sat there for a few more moments, weighing her options, before deciding to pack up her bag. She wasn’t going to get any work done regardless. 

As the teen stood, she swayed back and forth, overcome by dizziness.  
Reaching out towards the table, she took a few moments to find her bearings. Liv didn’t want to draw any attention to herself because it would only lead to more trouble. 

She took a deep breath. Then, another.

When Liv felt ready, she picked up her bag and headed out the door, accidentally stumbling over the threshold. 

Everything seemed to move in slow motion, as she made her way home. The relatively short walk between the Cafe and the Mill seemed unbelievably far. 

After walking about twenty metres, she needed to stop for a moment and rest. Quickly glancing around, Liv found a nearby bench. Staggering towards it, she heaved her body on to the surface so that her weight was fully supported. The teen closed her eyes, hoping that her vision would eventually stop fading in and out of focus. 

Liv needed to get home. She would be fine as soon as she got to the Mill. 

Steadying herself, she slowly rose from the surface and continued down the road. 

The teen made it further down the street before she was forced to stop again. Liv bent over, placed her hands on her knees and breathed heavily through her mouth. 

Suddenly she bolted upright, bile rising in her throat. Swallowing harshly, Liv redirected her attention towards her main goal: getting home. She could almost see the outline of the Mill in the distance. 

Placing one foot in front of the other, Liv continued walking down the street, increasingly wobbly on her feet. 

She had almost reached the Mill before a black haze obscured her vision. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head as she fell to the ground. 

. 

Darkness engulfed Liv, surrounding her like a blanket. It didn’t scare her, though. She embraced it. 

As Liv slowly regained consciousness, she heard a voice drift through the air. Deep, baritone sounds emanated from the entity. 

_Robert? Aaron?_

_Maybe they had come back home._

She let the voice lull her back to sleep.

. 

The next time Liv woke, she was more aware of her surroundings. She could feel the cold, damp ground underneath her body. She noticed that the back of her head hurt, as if she had slammed it against a hard surface. There was a metallic taste in her mouth. She ran her tongue over the inside of her cheek and winced in pain. 

Liv felt exhausted, like she could sleep for weeks. Just as she was ready to doze off, she heard the same voice as before. 

“—with me, Liv? You’re alright. You just had a seizure. I’m going to bring you home and—“ 

The voice faded in and out. 

“You’ll be fine. I’ll make sure you’re—“

The darkness was merciless as it overtook her once again.

. 

A sudden noise emanated from nearby, startling her awake. 

The teen cracked her eyes open slightly, attempting to look around. She was extremely disoriented. 

_Where am I?_

_The Mill?_

_How did I get here?_

Her memories were foggy. Thoughts swirled around her mind so quickly that she was unable to focus on just one. That’s why it took Liv a few seconds to realize that there was a shadowy figure sitting in the arm chair. 

“Liam?” she asked, in a raspy voice, attempting to clear her throat. 

The man looked up and softly smiled. 

“Hello, Liv. How’re you doing?” 

Liv took stock of how she was feeling and quickly came to the conclusion that she felt horrible. It was as if every muscle in her body was on fire. She could barely move. 

“M’okay,” Liv lied, slurring her words slightly. “—what ‘appened?” 

As Liv asked the question, a pungent odor flooded into her consciousness. She glanced towards the blanket that lay askew over her lap. Reluctantly, she lifted the material to find a wet patch near the crotch of her pants. 

She groaned loudly. 

_Not again._

The teen redirected her attention towards Liam, who looked sympathetic. 

“I was in the Cafe grabbing some lunch when I happened to glance over at your table and noticed that you seemed unwell. I wanted to check up on you but by the time I arrived at the Mill, you were in the middle of having a seizure on the front lawn. I waited until the seizure was over, placed you in the recovery position and brought you home.”

Silence hung in the air. 

“Oh...well, thanks. I guess,” Liv stammered. 

Liam tilted his head slightly, accepting her thanks. 

“Why are you still here?” She asked bluntly, before immediately backpedaling, not wanting to insult him. “No offence, but aren’t there other things you need to do, like, doctor things?”

“Well, I couldn’t leave you alone, you are technically still a minor. And I tried to contact Aaron but he wasn’t picking up his phone.” 

Liv groaned again. 

_Why did he have to call Aaron?_

“You didn’t have to do that, he’s probably really busy.”

Liam gazed towards Liv with an expression on his face that Liv couldn’t quite read. 

“I’m sure Aaron would be concerned if he knew that you had another seizure.” 

Liv laid back on the couch and looked up at the ceiling, attempting to refrain from rolling her eyes. 

_Yeah, sure._

She didn’t want to talk about this anymore. 

Liam must have noticed Liv’s attempt to disengage because instead of continuing to pry, he changed the topic of the conversation. 

“I’d like to ask you a few questions, just to make sure you’re alright.” 

Liv glared at Liam before nodding, begrudgingly. 

“I want you to remember the word banana. Can you do that?” 

“Yeah. Kinda weird, though. Can’t you write your grocery list down somewhere?” Liv replied with some levity in her voice. She adjusted herself on the couch, laying on her side facing Liam. 

“Alright, what’s your full name?” 

“Liv Flaherty.” 

“How old are you now?”

“Seventeen.” 

“When’s your birthday?” 

“February 16, 2002.” 

“Excellent. Now, can you repeat the word that I asked you to remember?”

“You mean, banana?” 

“Yes, well done, Liv. That’s a good sign, it indicates that you’re mostly recovered from the seizure. If you don’t mind, I’d like to stay for a few more minutes just to make sure you’re alright. Does that sound acceptable?” 

Liv shrugged, nonchalantly. “That’s fine with me.” 

A few awkward moments passed before Liam said, “So, you’re birthday’s coming up soon. Do you have any plans?” 

Liv’s face scrunching up in confusion. “Is this part of the test?” 

“No, I’m just curious. I’m sure Gabby and Leanna wouldn’t mind taking you out somewhere to celebrate.”

The teenager sighed softly, “I don’t think that would be a good idea.” 

“Oh?” Liam responded inquisitively, “I thought you got along with them. Did you have a falling out?” 

Liv shook her head vigourously. “No, no, we’re fine. It’s just…” she paused, internally debating what she should disclose. Stealing a glance towards Liam, she fully expected him to interject. However, he remained quiet, allowing space for Liv to collect her thoughts. Taking a deep breath, she finally settled on saying, “I’ve been having a hard time since Robert got sent down.”

Silence hung in the air. 

“I used to have a drinking problem,” Liv continued. “At first, it was just with friends, you know? I’d hang out with Gabby and we’d have a few beers down by the cricket pavilion. After a while it got worse. I was dealing with...s-s-stuff…” she stuttered, unwilling to talk about her sexuality. “I wanted to feel like I had some control over my life, so I started drinking more and more. It continued until I did something stupid… but you probably know all about that. The whole village knows.” 

A single tear fell down Liv’s face. She quickly wiped it away, hoping that Liam wouldn’t notice. She brought her knees close to her chest and took a deep breath. She felt sick to her stomach. 

“What happened after Robert left?” Liam asked, softly, providing a modicum of comfort. 

“Everything changed. I mean, Robert’s gone and Aaron might as well be gone. I’m on m-m-my own all the time. I just don’t know what I’m doing anymore.” Liv broke down in tears. Her body shook uncontrollably as sobs racked through her body. 

Suddenly, she felt a presence beside her. Cracking her eyes open, she realized that Liam was kneeling on the floor beside the couch. His soft gaze made her cry harder. She didn’t deserve his kindness. 

Burying her head in the couch cushion, she attempted to shield herself from everything that was happening. She couldn’t handle it right now.

Liv wanted Liam to leave. He wasn’t responsible for looking after her. She wasn’t his problem. 

After a few minutes, Liv’s breathing evened out and her body relaxed. 

The teen was exhausted. She briefly debated whether her drowsiness was due to her breakdown or having a seizure before deciding that it didn’t matter. 

Just as she was about to drift off, she heard Liam shuffle beside her as if preparing to stand. All of a sudden, Liv reached out and roughly grabbed his arm. “Please, don’t leave me,” she begged, hoarsely, her throat raw from disuse. 

“—ight, Liv. I won’t lea—” Liam’s soothing voice faded in and out of existence until Liv fell asleep. 

. 

“—can’t believe she didn’t tell me—got so bad—“ a familiar voice flooded Liv’s consciousness. 

“Well, I’d recommend—counselling—reached out for help—” another male voice uttered. 

It took the teenager a few moments to recall what had happened earlier in the day. A small moan escaped from her lips as she began to register the pain that was radiating throughout her body. Although she had just woken up, she felt as though she could sleep for days. 

Slowly, Liv opened her eyes and attempted to orient herself. Immediately, her attention was drawn to Aaron and Liam, who were standing in the living room just a few feet away. 

“That’s my cue to leave,” Liam muttered quietly as he headed towards the front door. “If you need anything, please let me know.” 

“Thanks, Liam,” Aaron said, sincerely. He paused for a moment, glancing around the room before finally settling down in the arm chair. 

“Do you remember much?” 

Silence filled the room, growing more intense with each passing second. 

“Some…” Liv said, defensively, refusing to elaborate. 

“Liam said that you’ve started drinking again,” Aaron's disappointment was palpable. 

Liv sighed, an immense amount of shame building up inside of her chest. She ran her hand through her hair, pulling ever so slightly in order to relieve some of the anxiety she was feeling. 

“Hey, hey, none of that,” Aaron pleaded, reaching towards his sister, grabbing hold of her hand and placing it gently on her lap. 

“What’s going on, Liv?”

“I miss him, loads. More than I thought I would.” Liv didn’t have to explain who she was talking about. From the look on Aaron’s face, it was clear that he knew this was about Robert. “Everything in the village makes me think about him and it hurts to remember.” Tears pooled her eyes as she shared her innermost thoughts. “I want things to go back to normal again. I want our family back.”

“I get it, Liv. I do. But you can’t be turning to alcohol to solve your problems. It just makes things worse. You gotta tell people that you’re hurting.” 

“I’ll do better, I swear,” Liv said with conviction. She was making a promise that she intended to keep. 

“We’ll both do better.” He paused, taking a deep breath. After a few moments, he continued, “I haven't been in my right mind since Robert got sent down. You were struggling and I didn’t even notice. I’m sorry, Liv.”

The teen shook her head in protest. “S’not your fault. I’m almost an adult, I should be able to take care of myself.” 

“But you don’t have to do it alone. You know that, right? I want to make sure you’re okay. You’re my sister, I’d do anything for you,” he said, sniffling. He reached towards his face and wiped the tears away with the back of his sleeves. 

“I know.”

“I love you, Liv.”

Liv gazed at her brother. “Love you, too,” she said, a small smile appearing on her face. Aaron perched on the edge of the couch and pulled his sister into a hug. 

“We’ll get it sorted. Alright?” 

Liv nodded, resting her head against Aaron’s shoulder, soaking up the warmth that he emitted. They would get through this together.

**Author's Note:**

> The majority of this story was written in November 2019 so just pretend that I posted this last year. Ever since Liam and Liv's conversation in the Cafe following her first seizure, I've been obsessed with their friendship. This is what I wish had happened on Dec 19 2019 when Liv had her second seizure.
> 
> Special thanks to [midnight-scrolling](https://midnight-scrolling.tumblr.com/post/188633867231/i-feel-like-they-might-be-hinting-with-the-alcohol) for giving me the idea and [eleckytrekkie](https://eleckytrekkie.tumblr.com/) for helping me make this story as realistic as possible. 
> 
> Find me on tumblr at [into-the-roblivion](https://into-the-roblivion.tumblr.com/).


End file.
